I sit and I close my eyes. I try to think of his divine form. I see a bearded man, I see a serene face and I see a pair of merciful eyes. I heard about Jesus in my childhood from a neighbor of ours. They would give us sweets and cakes for easter. I come from a non-christian nation and from a non christian family, so I didn’t go to the church until later. So, I heard about Jesus from neighbors and from TV. In my country, we had a holiday for celebrating good friday and easter. So, as kids, we were excited more about the going outside and playing part than going to the church. But, we would be able to watch a movie in our regional language chronicling the life of Jesus. The movie was exciting until it gets to the end, where Jesus was betrayed by his own disciple and then these touga wearing dudes sentence him to be crucified. It bummed us out, until we see that he didn’t actually die but resurrected and blessed everyone. We as kids didn’t get the part about why he couldn’t simply fight back instead of going through all the torture and then using his powers to resurrect. He could very well use those powers earlier, right? Talking about saving the entire humanity by becoming the sacrificial lamb was too thick for our innocent minds.
Years passed by and I didn’t pay much attention until I went to college. I happened to go the land of mormons, Utah and there a couple of friends told me all about the holy trinity, the Holy Ghost, Jesus and God almighty himself. Honestly, this confused me even more as it was simpler earlier: just God and his disciple/son Jesus. I still cannot wrap my head around the concept of holy ghost and what purpose it serves. Still, it didn’t bother me much and I attended a couple of church services, but never really went to a sermon. My friends would lecture me on how their’s was the true christianity sect and that other sects over time got away from the true message of Jesus and I would nod along. Perhaps they were right, I would think. I heard about the crazy stories of the Mardigras parties and I was shocked to know that it was actually a church started custom.
I landed myself a job and during those days the christmas break was fun. We had a week long of not much work to do at office and we could all just idle away. I didn't; have a car back then so I would either take the bus or walk in the chilly weather of washington. On enroute to my grocery store or mall was a Presbyterian church. Every time I would pass by, I would wonder on what goes inside and whether I should go and attend a christmas prayer. I never got the courage to go in and so the curiosity persisted. I started reading paulo coelho and his writings made me curious on reading more about christianity. I had the chance to read about some apostles and some early church leaders. I was inspired to read about the trials and tribulations these early disciples had to go through for the sake of their master and for the sake of their religion.
The first time I stepped inside a church was not in America but in Europe. I went to a small town in Sweden and while I was walking along the city side, I got to visit a local church, perhaps built in the medieval times. It was fascinating. The silence and the calmness that you feel when you step into the church was amazing. It was not Sunday, so there was none inside and it was all alone. So, I really had the chance to take it all in. I lit some candles after putting some euros in the donation box. Shortly after that I had an opportunity to visit the church of canterbury. The same church where Thomas Beckett was executed! I was not a history buff back then, but later I read about the story of Henry-II and Thomas Beckett and was amazed to know that I had the opportunity to visit that church. Damn! I should have read the church pamplet closely.
My most amazing experience was visiting the church of Notre dame, before it got destroyed by fire. It was a sunday evening. I saw thousands of people inside the church and listening raptly to the priest at the pulpit. I know neither Latin nor French, so I don’t know what the priest was saying, but everyone was listening carefully and there was no sound. It was pindrop silence. I was standing next to an old person. He was taking it all in with his eyes closed. I noticed that he was wearing an oxygen mask and was brought in a wheel chair. I saw an attendant who was holding the chair. It could be a hospital attendant or his daughter. I could see that he was not in great shape and this could perhaps be his last visit to the church. I felt lucky to be standing alongside so many people inside that church.
My experiences about visiting churches would be incomplete if I don’t mention the church made famous recently, well, at least an obscure chruch until the early 2000’s. This was the Rosylyn church, the one thats talked about in the Davinci Code book. The place where the descendants of Jesus met and perhaps lived? I had to convince my sister and brother in law to take a detour to get me there. No way would I be visiting Scotland and be missing out on this church! Who knows? May be I could be the next Robert Langdon ;) . The movie made the church look more eerie than what it was in real life. I even tried to go underneath by climbing the stairs down to be greeted by a barricade that said there was nothing mysterious going on there. Yeah, sure, as if that would convince people to think everything was alright. But, you have to admit, the view surrounding the church was amazing. Either that or I tricked myself into that to justify the 5 pounds I paid for the coffee at the museum. The lush greenery, the sun piercing through the clouds in the sky and a slight nip in the air on a late summer afternoon, all of that made it really a scenic view.
I don’t think I have visited a church after that. It has been a long time, I have to say since I visited a church. The place I live in, not many people seem to be into Church. They feel like it's not particularly trendy. A lot of buzz words have crept in to deal with the struggles of day to day and the general life.
A lot of people have forgotten about the message, the fascinating life of Jesus and are instead transfixed on the excesses of everything that has happened centuries after Jesus time. Its sad to see that we have lost track of the message and have harbored on the negativity. Every institution suffers from rot and decay over centuries and its upto humans to stand guard, repair it and advance it for betterment. By abandoning the message and the messenger, we are in danger of going back and having to find our way again, like a prodigal son. But in bible and elsewhere in life, being a prodigal son is not bad as long as they return home.
Amen!
