The Lord demands faith and that too absolute faith. Its easy to say that I’ve faith in God. It's easy to say that I believe that God has good intentions and good fortunes for me, when things are going well. But, then what does the mind say when things are not going easy and when you fall upon hard times? Who can answer that the path still leads to good days and good fortunes? Your mind anxiously demands the Lord to show a sign or a signal that all is well, but then there is quietness on the other end. You get anxious and you start wondering on whats going on? Scriptures show you the Lord always ready to be answering the call of the faithful. Scriptures show the God at the doorstep of his devotees and being of service to them. But, does that happen in real life? And does that happen in modern life?
What do you do when there is silence on the other end? Do you still march ahead assuming that best intentions are in order and that the path is the right one? Or do you panic and forfeit your path? Faith requires you to believe in the Lord and not to expect that the Lord is going to sit and explain to you every step of the way. It's nice but not necessary. And if the Lord does explain everything to you, then is that really faith? Faith requires you to expect that the destination is not preordained and the only control you have is on the action of walking along the path. The destination to which the path leads to is not in your control.
Its easier said than done to say that only the act of walking is in your control. The mind wavers and the mind ponders. You see the world of capitalism around you, where you see people walking along with confidence and with an air of certainness. They get what they want and they go after things with such gusto. They do not worry or they do not think about other things and they bring that single minded focus to get things. Money is the most easiest thing to center life around. Either you are getting it or you are not. Power is also another easy thing. Either you have it or you do not. But, centering life on God and devotion are not so easy as they seem. What does having God in your life mean? How do you know there is a God and if so, how do you know you are getting that entity or not? You do good deeds, you meditate and you pray, but in the end, how do you know that you are progressing along the path? If the path throws some obstacles and if the path shows some bad things happening along the way, how do you know that it was the right path to begin with and how do you know you have the grace of the God?
I roam around this in circles and find no answers. The mind wavers and suffers and yet there is no answer. And the answer is not such an easy thing to find it. Buddha took a life time of suffering to realize the truth. Sages spent ions of their lives doing this. Could this be achieved so easily in a part-time, half an hour prayer fashion? If so, is spirituality a thing to be talked through in the twenty first century and in the age of capitalism? And Is spirituality a thing for the people who want to give it all in?
My mind is tired after these questions. My hands are tired after typing the same thing again and again. My body aches and sleep pesters me. My heart aches with lack of answers. Faith as easy it seems to be typed is not just a five letter word. It either needs a simple mind, the one that doesn’t question a lot or an intelligent mind that laughs at the absurdity of the questions and doesn’t indulge in them. Sadly, I’ve neither at this moment and wondering which one of them is easier to obtain. And there we go again!
